Sunday, February 27, 2011

Kids and Sports

In many of my recent conversations the topic of children and sports has continually come up. Specifically the question of how young is too young for competition. I struggle with this question a little bit because A. I am very young and do not have my own kids, and B. this can be so dependent on individual kids. What I can offer people though is the experience I have had competing at a younger age, and what I have seen in many of the athletes I have grown up with.

Most people know that I have grown up with a Dad who was a very fast runner, and he is also currently one of the top high school cross country coaches in the nation. My sister was a state champion and ran on a full scholarship for a DI school. I guess you could say I have grown up around the sport. Seeing my dad run from a very small age, and growing up around his athletes defiantly planted beliefs in my mind from an early age. The first time I ever ran for a time was in 3rd grade. We had to run the mile in P.E., and I ran the fastest time in the class. Up to this point I never ran, I was a carefree kid who's parents let me spend my days playing with the neighbor kids in the woods behind my house building forts. But after that day in P.E. running became a form of social acceptance. I wasn't the biggest kid in school (I am still pretty short :) ), and this was the first thing I found that somewhat defined who I was. My new definition became "the fast kid". I was excited to run home and tell my dad what I had completed the mile in that day. When I told him what I had done he smiled, but was more concerned about if I had fun running. It wasn't until almost a year later that I ran again. The lady who babysat me after school had enrolled her kids in the cross country program at a local elementary school, and asked my parents if it was ok for her to sign me up. My parents asked if I wanted to do it and I said sure. For me at that moment I wasn't sure if I liked running or not. I won the 4 races we ran that season (1.5miles), and it was at this point running changed for me. My parents never put any pressure on me, they did not care about what times I ran, there only concern was that I was having fun. People would put expectations on me and my dad would quickly play them down. But as a kid I would hear these expectations from other people outside my family, and wanted to fulfill them.

Everywhere I went from that point on I would hear the words "that is Hadway's kid". This built a thought in my mind at a very young age that I wanted to make my dad and mom proud. I was running at this point to fulfill the expectations that other people outside my family had put on me. In middle school I was still enrolled at a private school, and they did not really have a middle school cross country program so I just ran with the high school team. As middle school went on the shoes I felt I had to fill kept growing, the only way to fill these shoes was to run faster. It really was at this point that a hatred for running started inside of me. I liked to make my parents proud and I liked to please others, but I really did not like running for what it was.
I won most of my races in middle school and won the all city meet both years (still only racing 1.5 miles). With every good result I had, I also felt the bar of expectation raise. My sister was winning races left and right at this point, and was looking like the favorite for the state title. Outside of school I was know as Hadway's kid, but in school I was also know as Ashley's little brother. These were expectations I felt I had to fill.

Once I hit my freshman year of high school, I really did not like running. My coach would tell us to go run and I would go sit on the train bridge for 40 minutes of my 60 min run. I did like the attention I got at races, but besides that there was nothing I liked about running. I was known for going to races and taking them out blazing hard, and then fading to 3rd or 4th. I placed top ten at state my freshman year, and could not wait for the off season so I could sit around and not run. I ran the 3months each track and cross country season and that was it, nothing more than I had to.

My sophmore year saw expectations grow even larger, and with that my hatred for running was at an all time high. I ran, I had no idea what I liked about it, but I was out there doing it. My cross country season unfolded very well, I placed 2nd at most races behind my team mate Steve who ended up running on a full scholarship for a DI school after his senior year. Sate cross country ended up being a let down, and I did not perform well. I placed well behind people that I had beat handily all year. I think physically I had the ability to run faster, but mentally there was no motivation. It was at this point I needed a change. I told my parents I no longer wanted to go to a private school, and wanted to go to mead high school (a nearby public school). The only problem with this was that mead high school was over capacity, and being a student that was out of district there was no chance of me getting in. What did end up getting me into the school was my ability to run. Mead high school at that time had arguably the nations top cross country program. They were coached by Pat Tyson. He was roommates with Steve Prefontaine in college, and ran at a high level for the university of Oregon. In his time at mead he had 11+ state titles (9 of those being in a row), and had countless teams ranked #1 in the nation. Mead was also the main rival for my dads team. But my dad did not care. He wanted me to be happy and go to school where I wanted.

Running at Mead was a big change. We had practices twice a day. The first practice was at 5am before school year round, and the second was after school. Expectations were high, and I was breaking down hard physically and mentally from the running, and trying to fill these expectations. I think the only reason I did not quit before the end of the track season was the fact that I was penalized for being an out of district athlete. This penalty forced me to run JV for a year. The only thing running through my mind at this point was that I wanted to quit running. Every step I took running I hated. I really did not let my parents know this though. I still wanted to make them proud, and fill the expectations others had put on me. By this point most coaches in spokane knew I was Hadway's son and expected great things out of me. Running JV, the season was pretty uneventful. My times got much faster, and people were expecting great things of me come fall cross country. Once school ended running did not. Athletes on the team had to go to flathead running camp, and our team stayed for both sessions (2weeks) when all other schools only stayed for 1 session. This camp was where I hit my limit. I could not do it anymore. Looking back at it now there was nothing wrong with the camp. It actually really is a great camp, but if you don't like running, 3 runs a day is not your first choice for spending two weeks of summer break. I could not fake it anymore. I wanted to quit.

I returned from this camp and ran 1 week of summer practice, It was at this point I went to my parents and told them I wanted to quit. They supported my decision knowing that I was probably throwing away a scholarship to college down the road. They never tried to convince me to go back to running and I know my Dad got a lot of questions and heat from a lot of people as to why I was not running. My dad knew though that if I did not love running, it was a waste of time to make me do it. He wanted me to pursue something I had passion for. I got a job a couple months later as a bag boy at Safeway, and that ended my running career. I was a sophomore in high school.

From this point on I went from being the "fast kid", to being know as "a waste of talent". I avoided kids on the team and my coach. I really was done with running and did not want to listen to them try and get me back on the team. Looking back at all of this now, I can say that quitting running in high school was one of the best decisions I ever made. I would not be the person or athlete I am today If I would have kept running. Physically I had some ability, but mentally I was not tough and did not have my heart and mind engaged towards running.

My passion for triathlons today is something that I found and love. I don't do it to please anyone else or to fill the expectations of others. I truly love the sport for what it is. The other thing I i have watched and realized is that a lot of the kids I grew up running with, now hate the sport. Most that went to college and ran on scholarships did not run a step after college because they were so burnt out. So that is a quick write up of my experience in sports at a young age. Since I like using lists lately here are some of my thoughts on younger kids and competition.

  • Kids need to be doing sports because they are fun- When kids are in elementary school don't focus on times, don't focus on winning, make sure the child is having fun. If a child does not love the sport because it is fun, they will never be successful in high school and beyond.
  • Weather you realize it or not kids want to please you- I fell into this in elementary. Many people thought I loved running at a young age, but what I really loved was pleasing my parents. I wanted to make them proud, even if it meant doing something I hated.
  • Kids realize the expectations put on them at a young age- I realized in 3rd grade the expectations people had of me, I worked hard not to let them down. Pressure is something that can start building at a very young age. The sooner it starts building, the sooner it can blow.
  • There is plenty of time in life to be competitive- If I had to do it over again I would have saved all my competition for middle school/high school. I recently got the opportunity to talk to an Olympic distance running coach Joe Vigil. He said that physically we can go forever, but the mental aspect is the first thing to burn out. He refers to athletes that did not run in high school as "fresh" athletes. I am in no way saying don't compete in high school, but I find his point very interesting.
  • Endurance sports can be hard on growing bodies (especially before 6th grade)- Keep it short/keep it fun. I am lucky in the fact that all the way up to middle school the farthest distance I ever raced was 1.5 miles. I have many friends that I ran with who were amazing athletes in elementary, but were hurt and broken down all of their high school careers.
  • Let kids find what they are passionate about-If a child truly finds something that They are passionate about they will be unstoppable.
All of these ideas are based off of my experience as an athlete who was completely burnt out on sports before I even got half way through high school. They are also based off of many other athletes that I have grown up with. I would love to see more young adults in their 20's out competing in sports. I think this could be achieved by first exposing children to sports in a fun lite hearted environment at a young age, and second by keeping a balance throughout high school that does not leave athletes burnt out. Sorry about the length of this post, its a little on the long side.

9 comments:

Laura and company said...

This was really interesting, Josh! It made me think a lot about my own kid as a runner, and I think I'm going to have her read this so we can talk about where she is with the sport. Thanks for posting.

Ryan Wiser said...

Wow Josh I always wondered about your High School days. I totally agree with the "Fun" aspect. With all the AAU and competitive leagues out there I wonder how long some of our youth can stick it out just to please there parents. I agree with you very much on the Fun aspect, I also have a lot of respect for your parents and not pushing you. I'm sure they are som very proud of your accomplishments now!!!

sroyswim said...

As former college swimmer, coach, father to a 5 yr old and now proud owner of St. Jude Mitral heart valve, I feel your observations are spot on. People at any age and ability level need to enjoy the journey which in turn fuels the passion to be healthy. If the sport becomes a negative stress the performance and most importantly enjoyment will suffer. Our society is so competition focused that young kids feel pressures that as you mention sometimes they are not mentally ready to handle. Ultimately, the character of an individual should define them not the athletic ability. I know I'd rather see my son be known as a "nice/respectful" kid vs. the "fast/spoiled" kid which I've unfortunatley observed too often coaching swimming the last 20 yrs. All the best as you pursue your passion for triathlon with the right perspective.

Rene Guerrero said...

Great post Josh!
I agree that a child should choose their passion. I wanted my older daughter to play soccer like I did as a kid, but she wasn't interested. She wanted to dance, that's what she is doing now and she loves it. :-)

jessithompson said...

Really great post, Hosh. We have been talking about this a lot in my house as it seems to have come up recently in IM talk episodes, articles, etc.

As a kid who wasn't pushed AT ALL in sports, I had a really different experience than you did I had no foundation, was afraid to try things, didn't feel good at anything. By the time I realized I might have any interest in a sport, I was too embarrassed to try learning/get involved and definitely too afraid to compete. Middle school and high school are really tough years to start to be competitive in anything.

I think there's a great balance of exposing kids to opportunities and pushing them to a point that they actually are doing it for all the wrong reasons. This is a really foggy line for parents because it's not clear to begin with and every kid is so different. But I think the issue of parents pushing kids is true in everything I think, not just sports. As a teacher, I see pressure on kids to achieve certain grades/reading levels/spelling test scores, etc. I have also seen it a lot in the music world with parents requiring kids to take music lessons, practice and even a lot of pressure to compete in festivals, make it into certain levels of bands/orchestras/choirs, etc.

I think "most" parents strive to provide kids with some balance in life. It's always hard to know what just the right amount of push and expectations are, because if life was all about "fun" all the time... well, not much would ever get done or achieved, except a lot of cartoon watching. :)

Is that so bad? Who knows. But I also ask the opposite question and ask what's so great about being a competitive athlete as an adult?

There are some great benefits and also some big drawbacks.

This issue has also come up a lot lately as I have seen families struggle as the drive to compete and perform at high levels takes priority over family and other responsibilities.

So... if that's the "prize" at the end of the tunnel, not sure that's for everyone either.

Regardless, every situation for every child and family is different and I think the important thing is to be thinking about it... talking about it... and reflecting on it. Speaking as a parent with a kid in sports, it's easy to get caught up in the snowball that takes you to the next thing/level/competition without much thought.

I appreciate your post and the IM talk podcast and other people who keep the conversation going. I think it's an important one. Thanks for sharing, Hosh.

Spokane Al said...

No matter whether one is 10 or 60, if sports ain't fun then they just become another job, another task, and another check mark on our list.

Life is for living, no matter what the age, and the better we can accept that, the better life will be for each of us and those around us.

Haley Cooper-Scott said...

Great post Josh! When I took up triathlon, I was living in New Zealand, where the sport is very commonplace at all age levels. Many of the girls that I trained with had been on rigorous training schedules since their early teens and routinely found themselves in the pool at 4:30 am. I remember reflecting on their sporting careers (they were in their early twenties at that point) and being glad that when I was 20 I was in Italy, drinking wine, and being generally irresponsible. Not suprisingly, only one of those girls is still competing in triathlons and she hasn't improved since age 18.

Admittedly though, there is that part of me that laments not having learned to swim as a youngster or to have been afforded the opportunity to run cross country. I can't help but wonder what might have been. I might be burned out by now, or I might be like the rare kid that I have coached who seem genuinely self-driven to run faster. I do believe they exist, but I also believe that the "pleasers" you mention are much more commonplace.

And Al's right on.

tak2lmt said...

Josh, love the post. I was also in 3rd grade when I started running and after Freshman year of Varsity CC and Track I was DONE! Took a year off and came back ready to rip it up but I didn’t have the passion I once had. I felt after my senior year of high school there was no way that I was going on to run in college and work even harder at training and racing so I stopped. Once again took some years off and then started Triathlon and have been in love with it ever since. I am still as passionate about it now as I was when I did my first race in 97. Anyway, the thing to think about is how it make kids feel and what sports can do for them in life. Very few will make it to a level where they will make a living at it (maybe 1%). However they all will have the impact of hard work and the results they get and how it makes them feel to accomplish those goals that they created. Yes all children want to make their parents proud but they also love the attention they get from doing good in sports. Look at everyone on this post “top Athletes” and we all love the attention we get when people talk about our accomplishments. Ya we don’t need to brag about them but we love the attention we get from them. Kid are even worse about attention and to get attention in sports will give them a positive outlook on life. Kids also need to use sports as a tool to help them overcome obstacles in life and sports will bring confidence and with confidence you can move mountains.
Once again it’s not about a race or a time it’s a journey and you have to enjoy the ride!

PS
And what Cooper said because she know her shit

tak2lmt said...

Josh, love the post. I was also in 3rd grade when I started running and after Freshman year of Varsity CC and Track I was DONE! Took a year off and came back ready to rip it up but I didn’t have the passion I once had. I felt after my senior year of high school there was no way that I was going on to run in college and work even harder at training and racing so I stopped. Once again took some years off and then started Triathlon and have been in love with it ever since. I am still as passionate about it now as I was when I did my first race in 97. Anyway, the thing to think about is how it make kids feel and what sports can do for them in life. Very few will make it to a level where they will make a living at it (maybe 1%). However they all will have the impact of hard work and the results they get and how it makes them feel to accomplish those goals that they created. Yes all children want to make their parents proud but they also love the attention they get from doing good in sports. Look at everyone on this post “top Athletes” and we all love the attention we get when people talk about our accomplishments. Ya we don’t need to brag about them but we love the attention we get from them. Kid are even worse about attention and to get attention in sports will give them a positive outlook on life. Kids also need to use sports as a tool to help them overcome obstacles in life and sports will bring confidence and with confidence you can move mountains.
Once again it’s not about a race or a time it’s a journey and you have to enjoy the ride!

PS
And what Cooper said because she knows her shit